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Top 10 reasons to write a book (an ode to David Letterman)

10. Nothing says “Personal accomplishment” like stringing together 75,000 words that take up way more space in your sock drawer than you ever dreamed.

9. Beats spending hours volunteering at a food bank or raising your kids.

8. Impresses people at parties, as long as they don’t follow up with, “Where can I buy it?”

7. Great way to get rich, if what happens to one author in 10 millions happens to you too.

6. No better way to get out of chores than to say, “Sorry, this is my dedicated writing time,” because every time can be dedicated writing time.

5. The “I’m on deadline” excuse will get you out of school plays, family gatherings and other annoying life events.

4. Chicks dig guys who deal with mid-life crises by writing books. That’s our story and we’re sticking to it.

3. Pad your Twitter feed with “Banged out another 1000 words today,” even if all you did was bang out another 10-episode binge-watch of “Breaking Bad.”

2. Unsold books make great attic insulation.

1. Will finally allow you to order return-address labels with “Author” in front of your name.

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